


Regretted Memories

by LW_Gomes



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-21
Updated: 2015-12-21
Packaged: 2018-05-08 04:31:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5483552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LW_Gomes/pseuds/LW_Gomes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There are things Petunia doesn't remember, and there are things she wishes she didn't. But she remembers lies and torture and pain, and his eyes so full of fear, and wonders why Harry would have ever saved them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Regretted Memories

There are things Petunia doesn't remember. And there are things she wishes she didn't.

What she does remember are the old warm sunny mornings before Lily went away, how they cooked pancakes and tossed dough all over one another until their Mother would walk silently down the stairs and stop right by the door, a smile upon her face. She remembers the way her father always woke up early on Sunday mornings despite arriving late on Saturday evenings, and his going to the florist and getting a new bouquet every weekend - filled with Lilies and _Petunias_.

Oh, she remembers many things.

The proud look on their faces when her younger sister got her letter, the disappointment that settled upon her own heart. She recalls getting a glimpse of that wonderful world Lily would go of to, and fearing not being able to compare. She remembers fearing being forgotten, and starting trying to forget instead.

She forgot about the friendship she shared with her sister and confident, she pretended not to see the confused looks on her parents faces in face of her closure, she turned her back to everything she knew and everything she had and nurtured a life of envy and regret. Until, one day, she realized there was no point anymore. Lily disappeared from her life like she always said she wanted her to, like she never truly wished for. She lost her sister to that world, to those people. She lost her sister to her own pride and greed.

Petunia build her life in the way she always said she'd avoid as a kid, in the way she always claimed to be unacceptable. To society's expectations. She became the perfect housewife, married a rather respectful man and had a son that should be her pride, but her life was empty. Her mother's smile wasn't warm anymore, and that happy family from winter afternoons and hot chocolate, those four smiling people that had turned into three, were doomed to watch an occasional jar of wilted Petunias - bitter flowers that sent those delicate and sensible Lilies away.

Thats when it happened, the jar becoming empty to never be refilled. Her parents were dead. Oh, how did she cry when she heard the news, but nothing could be done. She knew what happened. She knew of the war on her sister's world and blamed on Lily her loss. And forgot that Lily would grieve too. She grabbed hate's hand and pulled herself up, wiped her tears and promised never to shed them again.

On the morning she found a baby on her doorstep - she found _Harry_ on her doorstep - she wished for a miracle as a feeling of dread washed through her. And the hope that came with the finding of a letter was quickly shattered with the words that came with it. Her sister was dead. Killed by that world, killed by those people, killed to protect this baby. She wanted to turn him away, but she took him in. If not for her love as his aunt, for Lily's memory that was kept guarded in his emerald eyes. She hated him for being the reason to her sister's demise, for having killed the person she had loved most and less in her life, for creating magic around the house when she wanted to forget - like she'd been doing her whole life. So she turned a blind eye. She ignored the beatings her supposed righteous husband and dear son inflicted on the skinny boy, she let Vernon do as he wished and pretended to agree. And it became easy. To lie, to speak about "freaks" as if she hadn't wanted to be one, to insult her sister's legacy as if it didn't break her inside. And every time her sister's little boy went to school, she thanked the heavens that he wasn't in her family's grip any longer, and hoped he wouldn't suffer anymore.

There are things Petunia doesn't remember. And there are things she wishes she didn't, so she tries to forget them.

To forget the fearful green eyes locked in the small cupboard, the nightmares on the similarity they had with Lily. To forget that she made the boy her sister died to protect suffer in ways that made death a mercy. She doesn't ever remember to apologize - and would never be able to give up her pride to do so - but she never forgets to regret. For she remembers a redheaded girl creating flowers in her hands, and a small raven haired boy twisting clouds with his dreams. She remembers seeing him all grown up one day in downtown and saying nothing - though a strange sense of motherly pride overtook her-, because her mind was filled with deep images of suffering. And as he turned his back and disappeared in the crowd, a redhead gripping his hand and a small child who reminded her so much of Lily trailing behind, with two dark haired boys laughing without a care in the world, her lips formed the words she never dared to speak.

"I'm sorry."

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! So, this is my first fic posted here and I'm actually pretty anxious to know everyone's opinion especially because English is not my mother language, so... I hope you enjoy it and Merry Christmas - early - everyone!


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